just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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