I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize