I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
