Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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