she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
