dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize