i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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