sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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