Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm like, not good at living.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
