erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
