i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
