If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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