he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
