Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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