the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Bring me that man meat
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
