When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
