its not stalking. its research.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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