Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize