I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
