In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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