I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
