I only kidnapped one of them. chill
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
