You work out of a Hotel?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
