I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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