My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Two words: nipple clamps
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