In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
