Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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