I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
