never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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