fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
are you so shy because you have an std?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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