My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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