i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
