maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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