we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
