So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
