Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
