READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is my gift to your gina
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
