Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You are a genius and a whore.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
