I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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