It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
