Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
