WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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