'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
