just come out here and I will go home with you...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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