The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
