Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
