That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
