This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize