But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
