Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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