You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
