Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
