her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
