i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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