She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
