Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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