Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
