like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
