Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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