I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my poor anus
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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