I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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