That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize