we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
