I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
