just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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