I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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