I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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