im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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