I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
