She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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