He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
