You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
