yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
