I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
