I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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