What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize