I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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