I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
