If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
