God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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