Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
