I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
