I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
