Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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