Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
