I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
