I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
