Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
