How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
