I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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