we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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