walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just puked most of my soul out..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
