I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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