They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
