I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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