My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
