I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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