I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm just crazy horny about you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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