I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
