Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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