she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
