Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
