sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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